I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
