all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
