so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
one might say we're banned from that church
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
