ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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