After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
