Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
