You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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