How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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