do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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