she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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