And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
