Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
