to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
