I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
