When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
