I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
