My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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