so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
