Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
