Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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