i think my tv is drunk
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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