god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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