i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
