kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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