I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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