So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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