why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize