I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm passing your future prison.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
