I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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