so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm too high and old for this...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
