FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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