Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
