We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
