Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I skipped work to stalk him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
