because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
