You smell like stripper and shame
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
