apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
