people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
