Tell her she can't have a vagina
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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