She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
