Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"