You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.