so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.