Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???

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(600): View more from

I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans

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(802): View more from Vermont

every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning

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25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Read it at the TFLN blog
(218): View more from Minnesota

I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face

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(503): View more from Oregon

I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.

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(416): View more from Toronto

"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.

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(661): View more from California

Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing

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(252): View more from North Carolina

MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING

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