Texts From Last Night

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  (432): View more from Texas

  "you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.

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  (432): "you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me. http://tfl.nu/ueh3
  Replies (6) Good night (855) Bad night (991)
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  (805): View more from California

  i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?

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  (805): i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right? http://tfl.nu/zs4y
  Replies (39) Good night (3163) Bad night (885)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.

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  (917): Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries. http://tfl.nu/38u7
  Replies (10) Good night (1038) Bad night (3219)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball

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  (316): his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball http://tfl.nu/2uq9
  Replies (44) Good night (3982) Bad night (1162)
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  (951): View more from California

  So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

  (909): View more from California

  dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

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  (951): So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito. (909): dude... how have they not drug tested you yet? http://tfl.nu/fx38
  Replies (43) Good night (7072) Bad night (1099)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.

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  (612): only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday. http://tfl.nu/1ia2
  Replies (82) Good night (1241) Bad night (4765)
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  (585): View more from New York

  He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

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  (585): He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius. http://tfl.nu/hqjt
  Replies (26) Good night (8016) Bad night (1298)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  You said your dick dragged you up the stairs

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  (207): You said your dick dragged you up the stairs http://tfl.nu/g6yn
  Replies (3) Good night (3316) Bad night (858)
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  (408): View more from California

  im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.

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  (408): im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college. http://tfl.nu/q0uk
  Replies (12) Good night (7374) Bad night (1040)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.

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  (509): Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore. http://tfl.nu/z28x
  Replies (4) Good night (1145) Bad night (706)
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  (510): View more from California

  I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard

  (1-510): View more from California

  Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.

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  (510): I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard (1-510): Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening. http://tfl.nu/lvw9
  Replies (5) Good night (2501) Bad night (813)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn

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  (413): Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn http://tfl.nu/brfq
  Replies (8) Good night (716) Bad night (2260)
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  (858): View more from California

  I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.

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  (858): I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police. http://tfl.nu/cytj
  Replies (6) Good night (1095) Bad night (565)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.

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  (612): I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them. http://tfl.nu/b8xn
  Replies (3) Good night (743) Bad night (330)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor

  (206): View more from Washington

  Haha oh no

  (425): View more from Washington

  The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends

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  (425): I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor (206): Haha oh no (425): The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends http://tfl.nu/igx9
  Replies (1) Good night (689) Bad night (328)

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