apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.