just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
