How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
