i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
