last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
