It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im six kinds of drunk right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize