Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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