Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
