I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
