WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize