i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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