i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
