You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
