I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
