Got a toothbrush?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
