did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
