I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
