he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
