Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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