4 words: hood of his car
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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