Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
