Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
