i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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