How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
