I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
