Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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