I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think i got beer on your cat.
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